Off-hand observation

I know that great disasters can bring total strangers together in the spirit of brotherhood to rebuild what was lost, and so on and so forth. But who knew it could also be true on a smaller scale? Example:

While waiting for the bus heading home from church tonight, I was joined by two young black men. They were talking back and forth: who was over at who's house, a time one of them got beat up by the cops, juvinilistic joking around. I tried not to listen (or smirk when something struck me funny) and basically kept to myself until the bus arrived.

When the bus got there, however, he didn't stop at the corner we were on but drove on to the next stop. One of the guys then said to me, "Did he just drive past us?" I knew he was talking to me because his buddy was ahead of him and we three were the only ones there. I was a bit exasperated too and answered a hearty, "Yeah, he did."

If you've read much of this blog you know that I don't say much to people I do know, never mind talking to strangers. But our common annoyance at basically being ignored was enough to temporarily erase the boundaries of being strangers.

I guess it just goes to show that I'm at my best (most outgoing) when I don't have the time to think about it. I wish I could just be in the moment more often, at least around people, instead of overanalyzing every potential situation.

Right-side thinking

According to Doc's therapeutic method, the right-side of the brain is used mainly for logical thinking and problem solving, the left-side is devoted to the emotional and the imagination. My problem, I'm too heavy on the left-side. It takes me a real effort to knuckle down and think things out to a plausible solution without fanciful 'what-ifs'.

I do my thinking as I write. Putting words down on paper seems to clear space for new insights to come to light and connections to be made. The last thing Doc said to me at session yesterday was, "Think about what we talked about." So I did, and hot damn it worked. It's fear, so simple right? I can trace all my problems to the fear of the random. It's a left-side problem itself, the fear of 'what if', what could happen. Since I have a vivid imagination, I sometimes have trouble separating 'could happen' from 'will happen'. As such, I've become an expert at denial, often to my detriment.

Bob's Produce Ranch

For the past few weeks my grandma has been going on and on about finding home-grown strawberries. She tried at Sam's Club but the strawberries there were imported from California. So today she's commandeering me to go out to Fridley (north of here on the Mississippi) to a farmer's market store to get some.

I was kind of hoping to get a day to myself, since Messengers met on Fri and then church on Sat, and I have an appointment with Doc Sig (finally) on Mon. But Grandma's sister is coming too, so hopefully it won't be too bad. My grandma isn't the easiest person for a loner to be around. She can be emotionally manipulative (though I don't know if she's aware of it) and feels the need to share the most mundane details of her life. This might be ok if she could remember whatall she's told me from week to week, but she always repeats herself. It can get tedious.

But I won't tell her this, partly because she's 70 and can't help it, but she'd get all pouty and make me feel guilty. So I put up with it. I mean, it can't last much longer, right?