Bob's Produce Ranch

For the past few weeks my grandma has been going on and on about finding home-grown strawberries. She tried at Sam's Club but the strawberries there were imported from California. So today she's commandeering me to go out to Fridley (north of here on the Mississippi) to a farmer's market store to get some.

I was kind of hoping to get a day to myself, since Messengers met on Fri and then church on Sat, and I have an appointment with Doc Sig (finally) on Mon. But Grandma's sister is coming too, so hopefully it won't be too bad. My grandma isn't the easiest person for a loner to be around. She can be emotionally manipulative (though I don't know if she's aware of it) and feels the need to share the most mundane details of her life. This might be ok if she could remember whatall she's told me from week to week, but she always repeats herself. It can get tedious.

But I won't tell her this, partly because she's 70 and can't help it, but she'd get all pouty and make me feel guilty. So I put up with it. I mean, it can't last much longer, right?

a shameless plug 4

Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus

I picked up a copy of this book on Mon and read it straight through in two days. Now I know why I am the way I am around people, especially Messengers. I know why I get emotionally worn out when I'm in large groups, even familiar ones, having to be social and 'play nice'. It's a bit much to put down here, but sufficed to say,  I'm not 'broken' and so don't need to be 'fixed'. For all true loners out there, this book can help.

Good times (from a livejournal, once-removed)

Close your eyes....And go back....
Before the Internet or the MAC
Before semi automatics and crack
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...
Way back.......
I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Red light, Green light.
Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.
Mother May I?
Red Rover
Hula Hoops
Running through the sprinkler
Happy Meals
Wait......
Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons
Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages,
G-Force & He-Man, Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos
Playing Dukes of Hazard
Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar
Christmas morning.......
Your first day of school
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses
Climbing trees
Getting an Ice Cream off the Ice Cream Truck
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers
Jumpin' down the steps
Jumpin' on the bed.
Pillow fights
Runnin' till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
Being tired from playin'....
Your first crush......
Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7Up" in the class room.
Remember that?
I'm not finished yet....
Kool-aid was the drink of summer
Toting your friends on your handle bars
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school
Class Field Trips
When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got there.
When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance, and another quarter a miracle.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool.
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!
And some of us are still afraid of em!!!
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!
There's nothing like the good old days!
They were good then, and they're good now when we think about them.
Share some of these thoughts with a friend who can relate,
then share it with someone that missed out on them.
I want to go back to the time when............
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handledby whoever was the banker in "Monopoly"
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate ultimate weapon.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life...I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA!
Gosh that felt good! It is nice to go back and I wish we had the same for our children.

Seven

Seven things to do before I die

1. Fall in love/Find my other half

2. Take a roadtrip

3. Write a book

4. Finish therapy

5. Win the Powerball jackpot

6. Meet Stephen King

7. Adopt kids

Seven things I can't do (but wish I could)

1. Speak German

2. Save money

3. Speak my mind

4. Find North by the stars

5. Rock-climb

6. Drive

7. Beat the final boss on 'Gears of War' by myself

Seven things I look for in a guy

1. Compassion

2. A (tasteful) sense of humor

3. Intelligence

4. Humility

5. Character

6. Honesty

7. Love

Seven things I say most often

1. Cool

2. Sure, no problem

3. Figures

4. That's funny

5. Uh-huh

6. Son-of-a-b***h!

7. Dude

Seven books I love

1. The Dark Tower #3: The Waste Lands

2. The Dark Tower #7: The Dark Tower

3. Sabriel

4. Pontoon

5. The Oath

6. Duma Key

7. Pendragon, Book 1: The Merchant of Death

Seven movies I would watch over and over

1. Hide and Seek

2. Hannibal

3. Robots

4. Wild, Wild West

5. Volcano

6. Chronicles of Riddick

7. Fifth Element

Seven people I'd like to meet

1. Stephen King

2. Anthony Hopkins

3. Gordon Ramsay

4. Mark Lowry

5. Garrison Keillor

6. Robert DeNiro

7. Don Shelby

I got this from my sister's blog. Anyone who read it was to consider themselves tagged, so I guess I'm 'it.' I tweaked it a bit and added the last question to make the list a full seven. Enjoy!

Personal progress

At the beginning of May, Doc Sig and I made a breakthrough of sorts and were, I felt, at the start of another road that would lead to progress. Then I had some physical health issues. Nothing serious, but it was inconvenient and made getting out of the apartment uncomfortable. I didn't even make the effort of going to church because John was on sabbattical and not preaching. So there was a stretch of 2 to 3 weeks where I had little to no contact with anyone but my Dad. I don't mean this in a negative sense, just that I'm an introvert by nature. If I'm not forced to be outgoing on a regular basis, I tend to revert to an anxious wallflower and to prefer it that way.

It's gotten better in the past week or so, taking the bus to church or helping my grandma with groceries. But even with Messengers I've noticed that what little social/interpersonal progress I made (making eye contact, smiling and saying more than hello) is far below what it was previously. It's disconcerting to see how hard I have to work for a little progress, but how easily I can fall back onto old behaviors.

update

Here it is, almost May, and I've found that my blogging has fallen by the wayside. After going to TN, this writing felt like a have-to instead of a want-to. So I stopped, at least here. I have been writing more in my journals, which I've found is actually easier because no one is reading my journals. Not to say I don't want people reading this, some things are just personal.

So as to the non-personal, nothing really to report. Dad made a point to get both Sat and Wed off of work so he can come to church more, which is cool. Messengers has been having a bible study group, going through the book of John. We're almost done with that and then rehearsals don't start until Aug or Sept, I think.

shopping day

Yesterday Mom, my sister, D's mom (Giggy, pronounced like 'giggle' but with a 'y' instead of 'le') and myself had a 'girl's day out.' We didn't get our nails or hair done, but we did go shopping for about 5 hours. My brother went to hang out with a friend he'd made yesterday, a neighbor of my sister's.

First we stopped at a place called Cherokee Trading Post. Mom got a couple rings and I got a new knife, one more for my collection. Then we drove down the road to an outlet mall bigger than any I've ever seen. They have a shuttle to take people around to the other side of it. We must've gone to four different shoe stores, three clothes stores, a perfume store, not to mention Bath and Body Works. We finally had 'lunch' around 4 o'clock at The Chop House, a kind of steak 'n' grille with beef, chicken, and pork (both BBQ and not) but also soups, salads and sandwiches. They also had what they called an Orange Potato, a baked sweet potato. Mom got one with cinnamon butter. Oh, man was that good! I wish I'd gotten one.

When Giggy and my sister dropped us back at the room, we were so exhausted we didn't do much of anything else until bedtime. Now I know why I prefer to just go in a store, get what I want and leave. All-day shopping can tire a person out big time.

in Tennessee

This has to be quick because I'm going shopping with my mom, sister and the mom of my sister's beau, I'll call him D. Interestingly my sister is now being addressed by her middle name in order to avoid confusion with the family dog, funny how those things happen.

The trip down was uneventful, saw a lot of nice scenery (which my brother missed due to his Gameboy). A lot of rocks and trees, but cool to look at.

We didn't leave my mom's until almost 3 am, so we didn't get here until almost 10 at night, but D and my sister drove over to the hotel to greet us and try and figure out some stuff for us to do while we're here.

More to follow....

no more sick

I can finally take a deep breath without the fear of coughing up a lung and breathe through my nose well enough to sleep at night.

Mom, Matthew and I were planning to drive down to TN this Fri to see Nikki. Unfortunately, Mom recently got to doing her taxes and came to the (hopefully incorrect) conclusion that she somehow owes $4,000. It may be a transcription error, or it may be the result of her having to go exempt on quite a few paychecks way back to pay for the Philippines trip. So Mom said we'll have to postpone.

I'm a sickie.

This isn't supposed to happen, I don't get sick. Alright, technically I am sick. I do not, however, have a fever or congestion or mucus coming out my ears. I have a sore throat/dry cough and the teensiest bit of sinus pressure, so I am only sick in the least sense. Of course, this is only the second day of said sickness, so we'll just see won't we.

In other news, Doc is out of town again, not to return until mid-April. (Oh, joy.) At my previous appointment, a last minute dealie in the week between his coming and going, he said I have an attachment disorder. He wasn't at all clear on what that meant or how to fix it, so I had to do most of the follow-up on Google (I won't bore you with details. If you must know, go look it up.) but that wasn't much help beyond the definition.

In other, other news, I may have caught John in a mistake. On the website 'desiringgod.org' there is a Q&A radio program called "Ask Pastor John" where people can send in questions to be answered on the air. One particular question was, "Is smoking a sin?" Now, part of the answer John gives is that if he knew that a member of his church smoked, he'd ask them about it. Here's where the slip comes in. When I was on my way to church one Sat, he saw me smoking (which I usually do on the way to a situation I know will be stressful; church, rehearsal, Doc's.) And I know he saw me because we said hello. But he hasn't said anything about it to me, nobody has.

I'm not doing anything about it right now because he's a busy man and the incident probably got lost in the day-to-day. If it happens again, though, I'll be ready to call him on it.

a reason for everything

I called Doc today to set up an appointment and his voicemail said he'd be out of the office from the 10th to the 18th. So if I'd called on the 4th like I'd planned, he wouldn't have been able to see me until now anyway.

Hang on a sec.....

I went into my room just now because I heard a kind of metallic 'twang...twang' and found my cat Dizzy up on top of the cage I keep my pet mice in. The first words out of my mouth were a drawn out OMG! in complete disbelief because, if you recall, Dizzy is the one who has a birth defect that inhibits the signals from his brain to always get to the correct muscles, so he walks like he's drunk. In addition to this, the cage isn't directly accessible to any stable surface. He had to climb over my clock radio and under my bedside lamp, and did this without knocking anything over. When I caught him in the act he tried to get away. I grabbed him and put him back on the cage and gave him a stern talking to, as well as a swat on the behind. That doesn't mean he won't do it again though.

Now, where was I? Ah yes, coincidences that aren't. In Acts 1:7 it says, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority." Basically, the good things God means for you (providential coincidence) will happen when they happen. It's not for you to know until they do. Sometimes they may look like totally random events that no one could've seen coming (no human anyway), but God knows. Besides, I've found that we humans don't often predict good things. Rather they're often the bilious and sour stormings of a rampant cynic and doomsayer.

Censored

My dad's been reading my older posts. Yikes! I don't remember half of what I wrote way back there, but enough of it is so overly dramatic it's a bit embarrassing. Granted I was going through a rough spot (like the one I'm going through now) but sometimes even I want to scream at myself, "Get over it!"

Of course, I remember what it felt like then. As I said, I'm going through it now. I can't seem to learn my lesson and may have stepped in it again. I need to call Doc before my overly-emotional self does something potentially stupid to try and 'fix' the potentially stupid thing I have already done.

And Dad, if you're reading this, it's not the issue I was going through on Friday (remember you made sure I emptied my desktop trash?), it's something else. Ask me about it when I get home. I need to tell someone (but not just anyone), which is probably why I'll call Doc tomorrow. I had planned to wait until the 9th or 10th to see if I really needed to see him, but I don't know if I can make it that long keeping this to myself.

And Dad, you know from my earlier posts I can be a tad dramatic, so I wouldn't worry. I doubt it's as bad as I think. It just feels that way. Like not eating anything for breakfast, then downing a bottle of Mountain Dew.

It's cold!

And it's only 11:00. They're actually predicting -50 windchill before the day is out, but I think this pretty much says it all. Needless to say I won't be going outside today. Hang on, the phone's ringing.....

Ok, check that about going outside. My mom just called and said, "I'll pick you up around 4:15." A moment's silence. "For what?" I said. "For Wednesday nite church." she said. Oh, right, that. Well at least it's not waiting for the bus, just a (very) quick walk to and from the car.

A Prairie Home Companion

This past Saturday, Dad and I took the bus over to St Paul and saw Garrison Keillor's radio show 'A Prairie Home Companion' live at the Fitzgerald theater. Even though our seats were in the last row of the second balcony, about as far from the stage as you can get without being outside, I had a fantastic time. I know I had an especially good time because my mind did not wander once during the two-hour show. This coming from a person who didn't hear half the questions at they're own baptism.

Afterwards, as we waited for the bus going home, I couldn't stop smiling. Ever since I really became aware of Keillor, I've wanted to see his show. Unfortunately the tickets aren't cheap even if you get them at the theater, and the price of ordering them through Ticketmaster is ridiculous. So even though the seats weren't the best, just getting to see the show made me happy. I only realized later how invested my emotions were in this experience because halfway home I felt exhausted, I was nodding off on the bus.

Dad said that he didn't really care if he saw it live, so next time (if there is one) he'll use the extra money to get a better seat and I can go by myself. Very cool. If you want to listen to APHC, click the link at right under 'My Links'.

After Christmas

Mom did indeed get Matthew a Wii system, lucky him. She also got me an X-box 360. Not only that but it came with two games, an extra controller, an 'X-box 360' cd case and messenger bag. I haven't used the bag yet because I'm afraid of being mugged for it, which is likely given some of the neighborhoods I have to bus through. Plus, she bought me Halo 3. Considering it costs upwards of $50, I figured there was no way she'd get it for me, let alone an actual X-box. I almost screamed.

So I guess you could say Matthew and I had an very cool Christmas. Dinner didn't turn out bad either.

Merry Christmas

Mom has to work the day before, the day of and the day after Christmas so this year promises to be an interesting one. Tomorrow Dad and I are busing out to church for the Christmas Eve service at 4:30. Mom's picking us up from there after service then we all go back to her place for a dinner of chicken wings, seasoned rice and potatoes. The morning of the actual day, since Mom has to work, the rest of us only get to dive into our stockings. Mom usually works until 3 or 3:30, so I get to start dinner around 2:00 so it's ready when she gets home. After dinner we all open presents (thank you's all around) and then Dad and I go home Christmas night. Dad because he has to work and me because some mail-order packages the day after Christmas and I'd rather not leave them until the weekend.

I'll probably then stay home through Sat in order to get to church and Mom can either pick me up from there or on Sun. Depending on what Matthew gets for Christmas I may be skipping church the week after New Year's. All Mom said when I told her I might get Matthew a new game for his Gameboy was, "Let me just say that after Christmas his Gameboy will be obsolete." Meaning she got him a new game system, like a Wii or an X-Box. Hmm....

Baaa

Micah 2:12, Matthew 9:36, Mark 6:34, 1 Peter 2:25. All these verses (and many besides) depict the followers of Christ as sheep. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes it's bad. Some characteristics of sheep are: they're intellectually stupid (I think their i.q. is somewhere in the single digits); they get lost easily; they're helpless, totally dependent on the Shepherd; they're often unaware of danger in their midst; they're submissive and non-resistant.

Now, as is the case with most church services, there's a lot of standing and sitting and standing again at different times during worship. We stand for a hymn, sit for the Pastoral Welcome, stand again for two more songs, sit for the offering. It can get confusing if you're not paying attention. Case in point (and this ties into us being sheep). In my church, to indicate that the congregation should stand for a song, the worship leader makes a kind of upward sweeping motion with his hands. It's been done this way as far back as I can remember. Well I don't know if it was all the snow we got this past Sat that threw people off a bit, but when the piano started (for what we soon realized was the offering song) the worship leader made a half-motion with one hand and half the congregation stood. There was an awkward moment, then some of them sat while more people stood or leaned forward preparing to stand. Then the ushers came forward and everyone figured out where in the program we were, so they all sat down.

Whew, big sigh of relief, glad that's over.

The next time we all had to stand for a song, the worship leader went over the top with the gesture, bending a little at the waist and lifting his hands up over his head. I guess he wanted to make sure no one misunderstood that time.

Wal-mart is evil.

I've been listening to the radio alot lately for the Christmas music, and every once in a while I hear a commercial for Wal-mart. After the voice is through expounding on all the wonderful things you can buy and how much money you'll save, the last line of the commercial states, "The more you save, the more Christmas you can give."

What?!! Christmas is about celebrating Christ's birth, which leads into his life and the saving resurrection at Easter. This commercial, though it does promote the spirit of giving, is basically saying that the more money you have, the better your Christmas will be. Now on the one hand I understand that with the money you save you can buy friends and family better gifts than if you had less money so, I don't know, maybe they'll like you more. But whatever happened to "It's the thought that counts." Instead of spending hundreds of dollars getting the easy gift, some bit of plastic that will break in a week or a shiny gadget that whoever it is really, really wants but isn't practical, why not put some genuine thought into it.

Commercials like this are part of what make Christmas a stressful season. People think they have to get everyone they know exactly what they want or it won't be a merry christmas. They end up spending more than they can afford, and for those of us without the funds we get stressed because we get gifts and we can't return in kind.

But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

Thanksgiving

I realize it's late but, Happy Turkey Day!

With Nikki in TN, it was just Mom, Dad, me and Matthew for Thanksgiving at Mom's place. Since Mom had to work on the actual Thanksgiving Day I was drafted (not unwillingly) to take over. On Wed I prepared about half of what we had to eat: candied sweet potatoes, vinegar carrots, plain potatoes (peeled and cut up), and of course the turkey had been thawing since Tue. On Thur I cooked and mashed the plain potatoes, put the turkey in the oven (upside-down according to a tip from Lunds & Byerly's), cooked the sweet potatoes in the oven, boiled the corn-on-the-cob, made stuffing, and baked the biscuits.

Besides setting the table with fancy dishes and napkins and candles, Mom helped with the order of the layers for the candied sweet potatoes and what ingredients went into the carrot dish. Other than that, I did the actual cooking and all-in-all it turned out well. The hardest part is the timing, trying to get everything to finish close to the same time. There was also apple pie w/ice cream for desert but we were all too full to even consider it.

Since Mom had to work on the day after Thanksgiving Dad stayed the night in the guest bedroom. That way Mom would be able to get to bed early-ish because she had to get up at five am. I think Matthew got more of a kick out of it than I did. I see Dad all the time so it was cool that Matthew and Dad got to spend some time together, even if it was just watching movies all day.

Now that I've shown my culinary skill, Dad may expect more from burgers and frozen dinners. :) Mom asked if I could do this again next year. I said sure if she wanted me too.

lost, found, & a tasty sandwich

Church tonight ran a little later than usual so I missed my first bus which messed up the connecting to the second bus I take home. Long story short, church gets out at 7p so I'm usually home before 8. Tonight I didn't get home until almost 9:30 and Dad freaked out a little. I walked in the door and he immediately hugged me and wouldn't let go. I was surprised because missing the bus has happened before and he didn't get emotional that time. He said something about a missing kid on the news (I haven't heard) so maybe that contributed. But anyway, here I am, safe and sound.

Yesterday for lunch I made a peculiar sandwich. There's nothing quick (meaning frozen/microwavable) in the apartment so I had to do some creative thinking. I started with bologna and cheese but I toasted the bread. But that didn't seem quite enough, then I saw we have a bag of apples in the fridge. Little red and yellow stripedy things a bit smaller than a billiard ball. I thought, "Apples go good with cheese and also with Miracle Whip (ever have Waldorf Salad?)." So I grabbed an apple, quartered it, cut out the bits of core and sliced it really thin, peel and all. When the bread was done I spread a thin layer of Whip on each slice, then put down apples, cheese and one slice of bologna. Whooo-boy is that good. I don't know if I'm the first to discover it or if it's just never been named, but it's a nice variation on the old Bologna & Cheese.