Postponed Indefinitely

As of Feb 16th, I've been out of the loop as far as Society is concerned. I had a rather dramatic breakdown, but I'm much better now. While I may not post anything soon, I do miss blogging and will get back to it eventually.

A weekend away.

My parents went away for a marriage retreat this past weekend. Also, the drama group I'm part of (Messengers) had their first small-group meeting at church this same weekend. As such, since we now live way the heck out in the sticks, my brother and I spent said weekend with a friend who lives in the city.

Both weekends went very well, a good time was had by all. In fact, I found that I'm more inclined to look favorably on returning home now that I've had some time away.

Moved

Dad finally got the Wi-Fi up and running. I had 189 e-mail messages stacked and waiting.

So here we are, as close to the outskirts as one can get without actually being there. It turns out there is bus service out here, but I have to call ahead to coordinate a stop, then transfer twice just to get into the city. All told it's a 3-hour trip, unless I want to get up at 7 in the morning. Then it only takes an hour-and-a-half. Forget about getting to Doc's on my own. That would take another two hours. I'd spend my whole day on the bus.

A couple bright spots, though. We got cable tv, I have both a television and computer in my own room, and we eat dinner together as a family four nights of the week. That last one is the biggest positive, considering we've never been good in the 'family togetherness' department.

One thing having my own computer and the privacy in which to use it has done is to stimulate my writing. Not just the poetry and fiction I dabble in, but also self-analysis. Overthinking every little thing works so much better when I can get it out to where I can see it and review it in sequential sentences. Doc and I will have a lot to talk about next session.

Speaking of which, he had his second surgery on Jan 7 and as far as I know he's doing well. No news is good news, right? My next appointment is scheduled for Feb 2nd. Because I haven't seen him since before Christmas, I am both dreading and looking forward to airing these issues I've newly articulated.

Change

Ah, that dreaded word. So unwelcome, yet so inevitable it can make a person crazy.

After three years of separation, my parents are getting back together. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. The problem arises when #1, since Dad and I live in a 1-bdrm apartment and Mom lives in a 3-bdrm house, Dad and I will be the ones to pack up and move. And #2, Mom lives way the hell out in the suburbs, one of these cities that's sprawled all over creation but Downtown is one street maybe 6 blocks long. No bus service to speak of, and me not being able to drive, means no easy access to anything.

I realize I'm whining, that my life is not as dire as it seems by comparison to many. But you have to understand that due to certain uncontrollable circumstances in my formative years, at this point in my life I crave stability. I survive on routine, the only way I can face all the 'what ifs' and 'could happens' of a world in chaos. Saturday church and my appointments with Doc are 'me time.' On those days, for a few hours, I can live completely in my own little world with no worries or responsibilities other than the ones at hand.

It's hard to explain because no one else is in my head, and even I realize what a poor attempt the above half-paragraph is. I know what I'm trying to say, but I'm not as good as Doc is at verbal/written clarification.

Doc says (and it's true) that I'm very analytical, that I'm always processing information. So, even though I have no life to speak of (school, job, travel, intricate and abundant social obligations) I still need that 'me time' as a sort of reboot, a mental and psychological anchor that keeps my anxieties from fraying me into a hundred pieces. This is why the mere thought of such a disruption as moving (again) has me edgy and at times downright despondent.

I am so invested in this Saturday Routine of mine that, even though I can skip it once in a while (I get a ride or the weather's nasty), the thought of tossing it out completely has me beside myself. It would almost be as bad as having to take my cat back to the humane society.

Unfortunately, though I could talk this out with my parents, nothing would change because right now my mom is financially tied to this house she has. However, she recently lost her job and, unless she finds another one in short order, she and Dad would have to go halvsies on a 3-bdrm apartment closer to the city. It's a bit reprehensible, but it's what I'm hoping for.

"Dead Space"

I own an Xbox 360, a Christmas present from '07. I recently bought the above game, Dead Space. Not since Halo have I been so thoroughly sucked into the world of a video game.

The genre is survival/horror. The main character, Isaac Clark, is an engineer sent to repair/salvage a mining ship after all communications have ceased. The reason why is what makes this game so great. I won't try to explain it in a few sentences because it can't be done, but this game has elements from movies like, Alien, Event Horizon, and Solaris. I jumped out of my skin several times and was surprised into saying words I don't normally use.

He's Baaaack

I had an appointment with Doc yesterday. Considering it's been 3 months and 6 days, I was happy to see him. He didn't go into detail as to why he was gone, just that he'd had surgery and would be going back in again in a month or so. I'm just glad to have him back.

It was pretty much a catch-up session, talking about all that's gone on in the interim, finishing up with Messengers mostly. My next appointment is in two weeks, hopefully we'll stay in the here-and-now this time.

Free At Last!

No, but seriously, it's only been three days since Messengers' final performance and I already miss them. I don't see any of them on anything resembling a regular basis, and we aren't scheduled to be back together as a whole group until Feb of '09 what with the holiday season fast approaching.

Also, Doc has yet to call and reschedule the appointment that's been postponed for 2 1/2 months now. Not that I mean to rush him. I'd rather I have to wait a bit longer and have him in top condition than to meet once and have another 2 months go by. I plan to clean up/rearrange my room and make regular visits to the library to keep me busy. Like it'll do any good.