eureka

Why is it that so many 'ah-ha!' moments come after 3 in the morning? Is it just the fact that it's dark and there are less distractions present so one's mind is free to stay focused on a problem?

About three weeks ago I cited an online article on anger written by Dr. Ralph Blair, a psychotherapist from New York. In it he states (and this is loosely paraphrased because the article is long and a bit technical) that we can feel angry when someone or something doesn't live up to, or behaves contrary to, our expectations or beliefs. He also says that the feelings accompanying this lack of expectation fulfillment (fear, doubt, disappointment, disillusionment, embarrassment) can make us angry. Let's face it, no one likes feeling bad. In most cases the root of our anger is a type of subconscious frustration at our inability to change a situation outside our control. The instinctual reaction is to point the finger at someone else, 'something they did made me angry.' But the truth is I'm angry because they're not behaving like I think they should or expect them to.

Like with Dave (or even Bill). I'm not angry at him for rejecting me, I'm angry for not being able to make him accept me. If I understand this article correctly, I'm not technically angry at any one person for what they did TO ME, but rather that the situation didn't go the way I wanted. And saying it's they're fault takes the focus off my unrealistic expectations. It's just easier to blame them and feel sorry for myself than make a genuine effort at changing how I see them and what to expect of them.

Like Doc Sig's been saying all along, I need to work on these unrealistic expectations. But they say experience is the best teacher. Even after months of advice I had to figure it out for myself. Such is life.

P.S.
No pics cause I forgot my camera at my mom's. But hopefully some time this week.