Baby Steps

Since I'm writing this in the AM of Mon. the 30th but talking about the evening of Sun. the 29th, some tenses may get goofy. Bear with me.

Sunday evening, Messengers had a performance. As was of course inevitable, Dave was there. However, I must be doing something right because he at least acknowledged my presence. I was on my way out of the sanctuary, he was on his way in with a cart-load of props. I had my head down, content to pass by as usual, but he surprised me with, "Hey, (and he added my name which I prefer not to post here)." Within the space of two seconds I debated on asking him, "Oh, are you talking to me now?" but immediately decided against it and just answered with a noncommittal, "Hey," almost as an afterthought in passing.

On the one hand, it's a start. No fireworks or happily ever after, but that's not real life. On the other hand, the fact that I'm making a bigger deal of this than it should be shows in itself that I still have a fixation issue. But, considering I haven't had steady contact with Bill for 5-plus years and I'm still stuck on him, things are actually speeding along quite nicely with Dave. I think I'm about halfway (to being over Dave). I do still really want to just be around him, but I'm getting to the point where it's not life and death if I don't see him. If he were to suggest I could come over and talk, even just to Renee, I'd probably say no (though it would curl me up inside) because I can see more clearly now that I do have a problem.

And we all know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. (Not just for alcoholics anymore.)