God, I am so screwed.

Not only did I tell Dave too much too soon, I wasn't clear about what I did say. So now he probably has some half-assed assumption that somewhere in the back of my mind I want him to leave his wife for me. Dear God, no. The last thing I want is to get married, even if it were to him. Any 'romantic' aspect of this relationship (however that may be classified) is more of an infatuation, like a little girl mooning over her older sister's boyfriend.

When Dave asked if I was obsessed with him in a romantic way, I answered yes because I wanted to be truthful. But that is NOT the whole story. If you've read my previous entries you know there's a lot of background shit in the mix. Unfortunately I wasn't able to elaborate on that history at the time of the ill-fated conversation, and now Dave won't talk to me.

My therapist (oh, don't look so surprised) suggested I write Dave a short explanatory note in an effort to clear up any misunderstandings. My fear is that whatever I say will be read with a preconceived bias that Dave has developed. I was always afraid of raising a red flag with Dave. Well I'm sure by now he's built himself a goddamned fortress based on misinformed opinion.

Like I said, I am so, so screwed.