the object of this problem

I meant to write this yesterday, but I was out of town with my Dad. Not a huge deal. I just prefer to write every day if possible. That way I stay in touch with the mood of the subject at hand.

The mood right now is a little panicked, a little eager, maybe a little confident. I have all but finished 'the note' and am feeling good with the result. The confrontation and possible outcome is what has me nervous. I just have to remember that this isn't all my doing. Dave said he was 'safe', dammit. There were misjudgments on both of our parts, which is why I shouldn't feel like I have to cower in a corner (but I probably will anyway after I hand off 'the note').

Maybe now is a good time for some more backstory.

The first time I can remember seeing Dave was about seven years ago, I think. At that time I was living in Mpls and he and his family moved in down the street on the next block. They were actually in the process of moving, nobody was living in the house yet. I don't recall how I came to be at the house, I just remember helping Dave and his oldest son to paint one of the upstairs bedrooms. Now, I probably saw him around church before that, but there was no reason for it to register.

The next time he pops up in my memory is when I saw him in one of the first productions of this church drama group that I am now part of. I'll let you put two and two together to figure out why I let myself get pulled into involvement. He's not the whole reason, but a big part of it.

So from that time until late Jan of '06 I was content to stay on the outskirts of his perception. Truth be told, I was scared of him (he says he gets that a lot). He seemed like he always knew what to say. And he never talked in sound-bytes (shallowly), he said what he meant and meant what he said (to the extent of his knowledge of the situation). Because of this, it took me a year to 'work up the courage' to ask Dave for a sit-down conversation. The topics of discussion were fear, distrust, and my dad. It was during that conversation that Dave said to me, "You want someone to talk to who's.....safe. I'm safe, Renee (his wife) is safe." He said that it might be better if I did talk to his wife. That's when I felt some intuitive hintings of his wanting to be cautious (I call it the Red Flag feeling) because of the potential possibility of the inappropriateness of the situation.

Well here we are, smack-dab in the middle of a possibility. But like I said, there's fault on both sides.