if hell froze over

I'm not entirely sure, but I think I may have had some kind of mini breakdown today.

After church tonight I tried to locate Joy for a ride. No luck, so I started looking for someone else I knew who lived in my direction to ask for a ride home. Again, no luck. Ed was there but I'd previously made a decision to not ask him for a ride in order to respect the church's mandate on 'avoiding the appearance of sin' and also for Ed's sake because of any issues he may be working through (plus I'd overheard he was having some guys over to his place for dinner and most likely Christian fellowship: no girls allowed).

As I was donning my jacket I had an idea the trip home would not be pleasant, but I had no idea how bad it would actually be. Some of the following may sound fantastical or out of proportion, but those readers who live in the north will know.

I was not even a block from the church when my nose was too cold to feel. This should have been my first clue to turn back and make another attempt at a ride, even with strangers. By the time I walked the three blocks to the first bus stop I couldn't feel my nose and my lips and chin were almost numb. Luckily at this stop there was a shelter to get out of the wind. The next one wasn't so good.

The ride between stops one and two is long enough that I'd gotten feeling back in my extremities. But there is no shelter at this second stop, no buildings or trees, nothing. I decided to stay standing so as to keep my jacket as closed as possible and so I could jump around to keep my muscles warm. The problem with this transfer point though is that coming home I miss the connection by only 5 minutes. But then it's a twenty minute wait till the next bus. After 10 minutes (I think, I'd stopped checking my watch so as to reduce heat loss) I was pleading with God and Jesus to make the bus come. I couldn't feel my chin or nose or cheeks and my ears were fast disappearing. I kept repeating "please, please, please" while shifting from foot to foot. When the bus finally did come I switched to saying "thank you, thank you" over and over. But this wasn't the last stop I had to wait at tonight.

The next ride between stops is shorter so I was still frosty when I got off this time. This stop is only three long blocks (our 'blocks' here are shaped in rectangles, hence short and long blocks) from the apartment, but three blocks into the wind at this temp is hell. There's a shelter at this stop but it's angled in such a way as to channel the wind instead of block it. So I was huddled against the front panel trying to block my face from the wind, never mind trying to save anything else. And again I missed the connection by 5 minutes, so I had to wait another twenty-five for the next bus. After five minutes I again couldn't feel my nose or my feet, my fingers hurt. I figured the pain was a plus, if I could still feel them then they weren't frozen. At ten minutes I started counting seconds, eliminating the minutes until the bus would come. After four minutes I kinda fuzzed out and sort of forgot why I was counting but just kept counting because there was nothing else to do. I lost track after five minutes when the wind started gusting inside my jacket. And then I spotted the bus down the street. Thank you God! I had trouble finding the handle on my bag I was so eager to get out to the corner so the bus would see me and stop.

When I finally got inside the apartment building I nearly collapsed against a wall I was so grateful to have made it home in one piece (I was whimpering with relief). Upon entering the actual apartment, lo and behold there's my dad watching tv. He said he'd gotten home at around 6:30. Hah! That's funny! (so not funny). I could have saved myself all that misery if I'd bothered to call his cell and ask him if he was home yet and could he come get me. I'd considered it when I was at church, but he'd said he was working till ten today so I didn't call. My bad, not his fault in any way.