valuable info

My dad and I had a chat yesterday and, come to find out, Dave did in fact talk to my dad about my recent behavior. The reason my dad did not previously discuss said conversation with me was because he doesn't like to push me to talk, he'd rather I go to him. Also because Dave suggested he not confront me about it (hopefully with the same idea that I should be the one to make first contact).

My dad says that Dave's impression of the 'romantic' aspect of my obsession with him was indeed along the lines of marriage. I believe the words I used in my 10/16 entry were 'Dear God, no'. In all my naive fantasies I never considered marriage a possibility because it isn't. Dave is married and has six kids. He has a job and a life of his own, had one long before I came along. He's a Christian in the truest sense with solid, Bible based morals. Also, it would be far bolder than I'm capable of for me to presume he'd be crazy (or stupid) enough to give all that up for me. There's just no way in hell, given the kind of person I've come to know that Dave is, that anything like that would be possible.

But apparently Dave didn't see it that way. In our last conversation Dave said the problem wasn't that those things couldn't happen, but that they shouldn't. This is where Dave's ideas clash with the therapeutic advice I've gotten from Doc. Sig. This statement of Dave's implies that the expectations and feelings I have for him are wrong. Doc. Sig. has told me again and again that they are only wrong when applied, so it's ok for me to want Dave for my dad as long as I don't make an outward effort to bring that to fruition (like invasion of personal space or privacy, which I did with my collection).

So bottom line, I screwed up big time, but I'm sure you already figured that out. Dad said he'll try and explain some of this to Dave the next time they meet over coffee. But he said still no guarantees.