a good (but not great) christmas

A quick note on Christmas eve:

There were two services at my church, one at 4:30 for families with little kids or folks who didn't want to stay up late, and the traditional one at 10:45. My dad and I picked up my younger brother Matthew and we all went to both. Just before the 4:30 service started, we were in the balcony, and Matthew commented that Dave was sitting below us. I was thinking, 'Good, he can stay down there.' He didn't. I don't know if he saw us, but I looked to my left a few minutes later and there he was with three of his kids. After the service my dad, brother and I had to walk past him and his to leave the sanctuary, and Matthew knows nothing of the situation so he was gung-ho to say hi to Dave before he got away. Dave said hi to me, I said hi back, no big deal. Then Dave and my dad got to talking, Dave saying they needed to get together over coffee soon. My dad was noncommittal, he too is peeved about my exclusion from Messengers based on nothing concrete.

Now to the big day. My dad and I went over to my mom's place this time (sometimes we go over to his mom's). We got there at about 9 AM and the first thing I did was dig into my stocking. Every year my mom stuffs it with candy and little goodies, this year I got a gift card for two haircuts at Great Clips. I have thick, fast-growing hair, so it is much appreciated. After everyone got settled with coffee and eggnog, we all opened presents. Matthew and I both got Gameboy DS's and three games apiece. I've been asking for that for a few christmases, I guess there's more money to spend now that our family is in smaller pieces. Matthew also got a three-choice tin of popcorn, plus a small boxful of the microwave kind from my sister in TN, six new movies, and an accessories kit for his Gameboy (carrying case, car adapter, headphones, extra styluses).

In addition to my Gameboy, I got a paintable 3-D wood puzzle of an aircraft carrier, 'The Pit Dragon' trilogy by Jane Yolan (very good stories about dragons), two new movies, three cd's, and a Woman's Devotional Bible. My mom got a foot tall glass snowman from my sister, and Matthew gave Dad a new winter jacket and hat. Plus there are still the presents to get from my other grandma. She usually gets me cash or a gift card and some perfume. Even if some of these things sound boring or lame I love everything I got, it's the only thing my inferiority complex is good for. It makes me very appreciative at this time of year with no expectations for extravagant gifts, or at least no disappointments at not so great ones. The time over at my mom's was a good diversion.

I say that because on the way home I started thinking about Dave, again. My dad asked if I was ok, which is a sure sign that my introvertedness is overrunning its inner boundaries. I almost started to cry, but couldn't tell if it was because I was missing Dave or because I had forgotten about him all day until then (and was feeling guilty?). I kept wondering how his family's christmas went, picturing him and Renee in close proximity with steaming cups of coffee while the kids crowded around the tree and scrambled for their gifts. It was probably nothing like that, I don't even know if they have a tree. But before my dad and I got home I resolved to not let Dave (or rather his memory) ruin what turned out to be a good christmas.