unfairly sentenced

Yesterday I had an appointment with Doc. Sig. whom I haven't seen in 7 weeks because he had to have some kind of surgery. Usually I meet with him every two or three weeks. Needless to say I was glad to see him.

When I told him about the meeting with Dave and Renee and Lotis, and how they felt the need to 'create some space' for the sake of the ministry, he thought it was stupid and said so repeatedly. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. I can see now that Dave and Renee and Lotis, whose opinions and judgement I respect, had me so convinced of my guilt that I couldn't recognize how they virtually ganged up on me and pronounced judgment. I now believe that said judgement was disproportionate to the 'crime'. True it is hard to judge some things like breach of trust and motives/thoughts, but aside from my father-figure affections for Dave I never made any inappropriate physical moves toward him, like trying to kiss him. The only times I hugged him was if he initiated it. And this is not a repeated pattern with me, this is the first time I've done anything like what I did to Dave. Not just the first time with him, the first time EVER.

It's one thing to bar me from hanging around at Dave's, even seeking his advice outside of the church in a neutral setting. But the only reason I am no longer in Messengers is because Lotis is terrified for her precious ministry. She's afraid that even the faintest whisper of the possibility of inappropriateness to the 'wrong' people could get her and her ministry booted out of Bethlehem (our church) and she'd lose her rehearsal space and finance account. (Messengers is not totally funded by Bethlehem, but last I heard she does have an account with them specifically for Messengers that people can contribute to.) I guess in her mind getting rid of me was an acceptable loss in order to save the whole. 'Sacrifice the one to save the many.' Never mind what I'm supposed to do now that Messengers has been taken away, the only place I felt comfortable enough to break out of my emotional cocoon. Just because I wasn't sociable enough for Lotis doesn't mean I wasn't taking giant steps to being more outgoing, more 'normal', than I've ever been before in my life. That's the problem with not knowing someone, you hold them to standards that you think are normal for you but to them they're enormous.